FEELING

I honestly feel that either I am in a heartbreak or on the verge of a heartbreak.
And I don’t like how it makes me feel powerless.
I know being a guy and having to conform to what the rules are of being a guy in a relationship but we too feel.
Not saying that I am emotional and cry and stuff I don’t but I literally feel that my heart is in serious pain.
And trying to find something to cover the pain or heal it is difficult.
This is because I am not the type to drink myself stupid and curse out everyone. Or drunk call and tell the person that I love…I want to be with you every minute that the day has even though that would be absurd.
I can’t !!
At times I feel like I am in a pit and there is no way to get and no one to save me

I CAN’T DEAL

So I have been trying to find love or let love find me. And honestly its so difficult because I haven’t found or haven’t been found yet.
It seems to be so simple and easy for other people and here I am ( and a significant number of 20 something year olds ) that are still single.

I don’t know whether it’s about searching the right places or not going through the proper hoops and choices. Back in the day ( the 80s or 90s which is around the time baby Freddie was born ). It was so easier to find love or the promise of love. There was church, there was games arcades , there was hope in college and universities. Today the circumstances have changed.

People have become a bit too materialistic in the sense that there needs to be the sign or indication that one can provide for the other and provide a high quality lifestyle. Drinks at Brew Bistro , lunch at Soaring Eagle and dinner at Villa Rosa Kempinski. Not forgetting the promise of upgrading her phone to an iOs oriented device despite the fact that all she would do is whatsapp and instagram all day let alone ask you to pay for the apps.
It’s so difficult to find genuine love, trust me I have tried to look at those around me and even if there is a speck of it materialistic items make the love even deeper.

I am not complaining or trying to say that of you are dating , your partner is in it for the perks , I am just saying that if you don’t cough up money more than enough times you are one lucky human. Kudos to you.
Then comes the obscene nature that everyone who tries to court you is trying to ‘tap that’. 99% this is true but what if you are the 1% that genuinely wants to know more about you and what you do and all that stuff.
I just can’t deal .
Too much work.
One of the reasons I remain single today .